BAD Run

Today I had a HORRIBLE run. I mean, really, really horrible.

I really didn't want to go out in the first place. And I wasn't looking forward to the 16 miles (two loops in the park, run back to Riverside, up to 120th and back to my apartment). Usually though, I start running and after a mile or two I get psyched about finishing. Or I get into a runner's high. Or I just sort of meditate.

But I could not shake my bad mental state today. Every turn I was like "Yes! I'm almost at the hockey rink!" (where I was going to catch up with Bill for a Gu break). But then I would turn the corner and be like "Nope, not here." I was noticing every small incline. I was alternating anger and sadness and apathy. I just DID NOT WANT TO BE THERE. And the fact that I had not reached our 5 mile rest spot and I STILL would have to run 11 miles after that was not making it any better. I have not ever thought of for real quitting a run in the middle (unless I was injured...even then I usually stupidly, finish my run). But I really really really wanted to quit.

Bill waited for me on the hill and asked how things were going. I crossly responded "Sh*tty." We pulled over on a trail where I usually take my Gu and I explained everything to him. He pulled me over to the steps so that we could talk about it. He told me I should finish. He said the one thing he admired about me is how I finish anything no matter what. And that sometimes it is crazy, but I still do it. And if he asks me why I am like "Because. I just need to do it." Normally I would agree with him. But I just felt too crappy. And I told him that for me running is 90% mental and 10% physical. And if my mental is this low it would sort of be like me running with the flu. We sat there for what seemed like forever. And I felt guilty because he was supposed to be doing his 9 miler, which was his longest run so far in his training. Here I was, stopping him at 5.4 miles and being a poop.

We decided that I would finish his 9 miler with him. I would switch my long runs. Next week, instead of doing a 10 (my low mileage week) I would do my 16. I'm not worried about not having a down week between my 16 and 18 because that's actually how I've trained in the past 2 marathons.

Bill stuck by me for the rest of the run (even though I know I was slowing him down). I still was feeling pretty awful for those last 3.6 miles, but it definitely helped. And amazingly, I still logged a 1:26:26 for those 9 miles (a 9:36 pace). That just tells me that it WAS a mental and not physical thing.

Anyway, I'm glad Bill was there. Sometimes it's hard to run on your own and you need a running buddy. :)