Getting Stronger?

So I feel like my body is not what it used to be. This is both good and bad.

On the good side, I am now 13 lbs lighter than I was before I was pregnant. This worried me a little bit at first because my BMI was right on the healthy/unhealthy line, and I felt like I looked a bit skeletony in some of my wonderful brightroom pics. However, now that I have added some more muscle I'm actually okay with my weight. Also, I am really packing away the calories and paying attention to how much I eat (which is a LOT) so I know that I am okay. (This also meant that I got to get new running clothes and also that I am not so annoyed when my shirt rides up a bit while I'm running).

Also on the good side, I am way more flexible than I was before. I can actually touch my toes, and I really don't remember the last time I could do that. I contribute this to taking some time off of running this winter, but my bootcamp teacher said it is also because your body limbers up during pregnancy. (You just can't tell because who is really trying to touch their toes over a huge belly?)

Also, since I've lost some extra poundage now I can see some of my muscles! Hurrah!

On the not good or bad side I can eat us out of house and home. This is good because I love food, and the food I love is not particularly healthy. But it is also bad because I feel like I am eating ALL THE TIME which can get boring and expensive.

But on the bad side, I feel like I am starting over running again. I guess this is okay if you manage expectations (which I have been doing). For instance, my goals have changed tremendously. I am now happy with a sub 10 minute pace on longer races and a sub 9 on shorter races. I am going a lot slower even though I feel like I am working just as hard and sometimes even harder.

In fact, I was so super sore after last week's 16 mile run. Like after-the-marathon-sore. I don't know if this is because I am pushing myself harder or if it is because I am more out of shape than I was running in 2009. (I actually feel more in shape, but that the numbers are lying to me).

I am also really ramping up on the cross-training (which is a lot easier to get in than running because of baby). I am doing lots of old-school exercises...push-ups, sit-ups, burpees, lunges, etc.

I also signed up for a mommy and baby bootcamp class. It's lots of fun. We do all of those boot camp exercises too, but using baby as a weight. Oy. This is HARD. The first class was good and I had that nice achiness in my abs that makes me feel like a six-pack is on it's way (ha!). The second class was KILLER. None of the other moms showed up so I got a private lesson and she pushed me because she knows I am athletic. She didn't give me a break on ANYTHING. I did three burpee sets (of 12) alternating with 12 skaters with no rest in between. By the last set I looked ridiculous. I was like "I can't..." (and I've never felt like that during a workout) and she said "That's okay, just do the modified version." (Yes, that only helped a little.) Liam of course, thought all of this was hilarious. Needless to say I was sore after the workout (no waiting until the next day for me).

Anyway, I kind of got off topic. So I'll reel us back in...

So at baby bootcamp I had to do sit-ups (which I HATE). I especially hate these post-partem because I feel like my tail bone is GRINDing into the floor. It is very painful. I thought that maybe this is because I have less meat back there. But I asked the instructor about it and she said she had the same thing shortly after pregnancy. She said your back kind of gets looser and discs move around and stuff. She told me it would get better though as long as I kept working out. No problem. And it got me out of sit-ups (I got to do crunches instead.)

So yeah. Very sore. Body isn't what it used to be. We'll see how that works out tomorrow. I'm supposed to do 18 miles.

Oh Freetime, I Miss You So

I pretty much haven't been writing about running because I pretty much don't have time to write about running :)

I HAVE been running, though not as much as I want to. It's funny because I was going to say that I haven't been running very much, but in comparison to how many days I used to run it's pretty much the same...3x a week. However, I haven't been able to get ANY cross training in. AND those 3x a week that I run seem all the more precious/vital/frustrating because I have no freetime to do anything else (you know, like clean my apartment, which currently looks like a bomb hit it).

Frazzled?

Yes, to say the least. I am still trying to figure out this whole balance thing. I always thought that having the flexibility to work from home would be great because I could have the best of both worlds -- staying at home to take care of Liam, yet still feelling fufilled by working. Instead it just means that I have to work around everyone's schedule except my own. So, even though Liam is getting 12 hours of sleep a night, and Bill is getting 8 hours of sleep a night, I am going going going from the time I wake up (7am) to the time I go to bed (1am on the nights that I work). This means that my runs (and my life) is exhausting AND runs are pretty much the last thing I want to do when I have time to myself.

I am hoping that this will work itself out soon. :( But in the meantime I am trying to back off of myself a little. This means (deep breath) no Flying Pig Marathon. I kind of decided this a couple of weeks ago when I missed two long runs and felt my mileage was now totally screwed up. But I talked to Bill and we decided to "wait and see"...keep training for the marathon, but decide on the day of it whether or not to do the whole or the half. This sounded good at the time.

Then I went through this whole "why do I run" thing. I mean seriously, I was kind of hating on running. A lot. And let's face it: I think I was trying to do this spring marathon to prove to myself that I was still the same old me who could run 2 marathons a year, and to prove to everyone else that I was truly hard core, and to get some kind of crazy body that I've never actually had (more muscular, flat six-packy abs). That's not fun. Running used to be fun. I started thinking about when I trained for my first marathon and how it was so fun and even though it was hard it was kind of an adventure to go for those long runs. I felt so accomplished. And I felt part of a cool tribe of people. I wanted to be like the multiple marathoners in the Roncker's group. They were such cool people. And I also felt like I was becoming one of them. I mean, come on, I used to cry a little sometimes on long runs because I loved them so much and felt so moved by them.

So the new goal is to get back that love. And to run the half marathon. And enjoy it. And not worry so much about all the other crap.

Of course I came to this revelation on a run. (How cliche.)

I also felt like if I ran the marathon and didn't do well I would be crushed...even though just completing the marathon would have been a great accomplishment. That would have made it even harder to run my next one. And since my next one is NYC in November, I want to be in a good place (mentally) with running. I have been waiting to run this race for three years.

Erghhhhhhh. Change. I never deal with it well.
So, we're back to where we started 3 years ago. Not worrying about time, not worrying about past runs, just going out there to have a good time.

Running Misc (Or Not Running Misc)

I never realized how hard it would actually be to get out and run when  you have a newborn. In my mind I was just putting him in the BOB every morning and going out for a nice little jog...you know, since I would have "so much time" since I was on maternity leave.

Hahahaha. I have been choosing sleep over running because I get sleep when I can (since it sometimes only comes in 2 hour increments).

Even on the weekend it is ridiculous. I planned to do a nice 6-mile loop with my friend Gina this weekend. I was so excited because I haven't seen her in forever and I haven't run without the stroller since Liam. Well, all this would involve Liam having a milk supply and since I knocked over the bottle and lost an entire ounce of milk, and I pretty much hate pumping so I don't have a big store of it, the run didn't happen. Of course I didn't know this until right before the run and had to text Gina. Luckily she is a great, super-understanding friend. But I was still very very bummed about the whole thing.

I have actually found that it is MUCH easier to do workout videos. This is not as fun but it means that I am getting a lot of toning in. Which is great because...

...this weekend I found out that I fit in my old clothes! I am not back to my old weight, but I AM back to my old measurements!!! (except for a little more that I need to lose in my belly). Whoo-hoo!!! This made me very VERY happy.

I had planned on doing the Manhattan Half Marathon, because I am really really trying to do all five in the Grand Prix series of half marathons this year. Manhattan is first and is at the end of January. I am not very sure I can do this seeing my current mileage. I would have to have a pretty aggressive schedule from here on out and I just don't know if I am going to be able to count on doing that. It makes me appreciate mom-runners like my friend Lauren, all the more. They are hard core.

I also entered the lottery for the NYC Half Marathon (different from the Manhattan half marathon, but run in the same borough). And get this! We were supposed to know if we got in by the end of November. I just checked the website today and it says the drawing will be on December 15th. Boo! I want to know now!

This week I am going to really try and get some good mileage in...even though it is colder than cold out.